Colton Haynes’ Diary Entries Reveal Struggle With Mental Health, Isolation
Former Teen Wolf actor Colton Haynes released two diary entries to Paper Magazine in an attempt to de-stigmatize the taboo topic of mental health, and to highlight the importance of reaching out for help when necessary.
The first entry -- dated November 2, 2014 -- begins with Haynes referring to his sprawling Vancouver home as a "cellar," before noting, "Something's been off recently."
He goes on to describe the isolating routine he'd fallen into at the time, at one point admitting he only left his house "for work, the liquor store, or to grab coffee and an occasional sandwich from the store to suppress the hunger."
"I honestly wake up after 5 hours of sleep wide awake," he writes. "It's probably from the bottle of wine I drank before I finally fell asleep/passed out or the amount of pills I'd had...What I don't realize is that I will stay in the same place sitting down for 5 hours and have no idea 'cause I'm so focused but with nothing to do, nothing to create.
"I'm a vampire. A shell. Wishing I was the old Colton," he continued. "The person who used to love going out and talking to my family/friends. Now I'm so closed off to the world that I can't even get up enough courage to go in public. I'm afraid of people and have become agoraphobic."
The second entry -- written two years later, on November 12, 2016 -- highlights a marked difference in the Arrow actor's life.
"I'm finally in a position where I can say I'm the happiest I've ever been. I've accomplished so much with so little and my smile is finally not forced," he writes. "I've taken control of my own life for the first time and won't ever let anyone silence me or my passions ever again. I'm finally free. I'm successful. I'm independent. I'm still short but that won't change lol. I think I'm funny even if others don't haha. But most of all...I'm outspoken."
Haynes' entry ends on an encouraging note, as he implores those who struggle with their own mental health to reach out to professionals.
"Don't be afraid to seek help," he writes. "There are so many people out there who put their jobs first and their mental health last...and trust me...it will creep up on you. There are so many amazing people out there who can help with anxiety and other mental health issues...please don't be afraid and know that it gets better."
Head over to Paper Magazine to read Colton Haynes' full diary entries.
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